I have shared my beliefs about God being “love” in other blog postings. It is also my belief that it is “love” that I inherited from my creator who I choose to call God. Love is what I came into this world with. It is deep within me. I also learned many reasons for believing I was not loveable, as well as, many behaviors to cope with beliefs imposed on me by the significant others who thought they knew what was best for me. They also believed unless I obeyed their input something was wrong with me. Unfortunately, I developed beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors based on what I was taught. I adopted coping skills that felt right at the time to survive but know now, many of those skills are not in my best interest today. Rather than relying on that voice deep down inside me (God) it can be automatic for me to eat everything on my plate because of the starving children in Europe. Needless to say, I will save no one if I eat everything on my plate just because I was taught to deny an internal signal that tells me I have had enough before the plate is empty. When I connect with other peoples “shoulds” that are not in my best interest, I am pushing my highest self, (my Higher Power, my God, my Creator) aside and connecting with some false God that I once gave power to.
I do believe that the deep voice inside, or the intuitive thought I often get, which I choose to call God, loves me unconditionally. I believe when I ask ,I get the help I need to help me let go of historical ways of believing and doing that don’t serve me in coming from my highest self. “What is the loving response?” is a question I ask often and I expect answers. They don’t always come as quickly as I want, but they inevitably do come. When I have to wait for an answer, I get an opportunity to learn patience and confusion. An immature part of me wants to be answered now and the willingness to allow patience and/or confusion and faith strengthens my trust in my Creator. Neither patience or confusion is comfortable to hang out in and it leaves me open to make some decisions I wished I hadn’t. To me this is all a part of the process of learning and growing in love.
I am sure you have also heard many times we cannot love others unless we love ourselves. I am not convinced this is true, however it does make sense to me that I am enthusiastically focusing on “self-love”, during this holiday season. My intention is two-fold. One is to progress in connecting with my deep sense of love for me by giving up thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that don’t serve me. The other is to love others the way they need to be loved by me.
To be perfectly clear I won’t be giving, to the ones I love, a big box of heart-shaped chocolates this Valentine’s Day. I also won’t be giving myself chocolates either. Love has no calories. I won’t be overeating either because overeating destroys me and when I eat less I enjoy more. When I am not overloaded with food I have energy for loving connections with others. My emotions are more serene and positive. When I am drugged out on refined carbohydrates I hate myself and physically I just don’t feel good. These are a couple of ways I could sabotage being my own Valentine. So, while the world around me feasts themselves on sugar I will be luxuriating in other ways that say I love you Bonnie.
In loving me I may be guided to the simple acts of eating healthy and moderately and getting a moderate workout in. It may mean I am being guided to making time for prayer and meditation and doing a little writing. I can’t forget my two fur babies Dash and Diamond and how I enjoy playtime with them. Each day I learn something new from various on-line resources and I love that I am open to others as they share their experiences, strength and hope. I just might do the same to be a loving support if I am guided to do so. I love bubble baths and listening to my favorite music too. It will be about a day of no rushing to get one more thing in my schedule before I go to dinner with my guy. For sure it will be about writing a gratitude list at the end of my day to my creator and thanking him for so many blessings and a day filled with love. My nightly review allows me to put my head on my pillow feeling love for me and others when I stay as connected as I can to the part of me that knows I am love.
My generosity to others may be a simple phone call letting them know I was thinking about them. It may mean focusing on being a good listener without thinking what I’ll say next, or listening without giving advice and listening with a sincere caring energy. I have heard that what we are all mostly starving for is acknowledgement and so l may focus on being more attentive to another by acknowledging their realities. When I am listening intently with another acknowledging their realities and not thinking about me; it is in those instances I believe I am giving them the best me I can be. Valentine’s Day is about nourishing interpersonal relationships, those that we have, and building new ones by giving them quality time.
I have a really good guy in my life who deserves the best of me. I have adult children in my life who deserve the best of me, and I have amazing friends, acquaintances and families of choice that deserve the best of me and I have a creator that has given me everything I need to be the best me I can. For me, my desire is strong to be the best me I can be for me and for others. I know enough to know that when my desire is strong enough it feels like I have super human powers. It’s not about being better than everyone or anyone else; it’s about me wanting first and foremost, to the best of my ability, to align myself with how I believe my loving God would want me to be there for his children.
It just doesn’t make sense to me that I resist changing behaviors that make me feel worse about myself like overdosing in chocolate and too much food as I have done on past Valentine’s Days. In working to be the best me I can be I keep getting opportunities to correct or fine tune my behavior. I continue to practice the presence of God in my life. I can not give a way what I don’t have and for this Valentine’s Day I choose to be the gift of love to myself so that I can love those in my world.
This Valentine’s Day my Creator, I pray I live my day as you would have me live.
This is the message I received:
Be – come from love
Do – acts of love
Have – allow the gifts of love in
and let go of all out comes associated with others. In other words, I am to just love as best as I can and if others don’t throw love my way or the way I want or expect it, let it go. What is important is that I expand and keep learning and growing in love.
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